Worst and Best Advice on Love
Love is complex. It’s not all about the butterflies in your stomach, the presents, the kisses under the moonlight. It’s more than just a feeling. It’s a commitment to you and your partner, finding your own self and accepting yourself and your partner on the way, standing through the storms, but
love is a CHOICE. And you make that choice every single day.
I want to share with you what I think are the worst and the best advice on love I’ve been ever given.
Starting with the worst ones first, I assume you will want to end this article with good feelings.
1. You are made for each other
This is a phrase that oftentimes comes from either your parents or your friends, who adore you as a couple.
As much as they think the best of you (or you hope they do), this advice is probably the worst one from people who love you and want you to be truly happy.
First things first, you are the one who is in the relationship. And you know best what’s going on inside this relationship.
He could be great looking, with polite manners outside the relationship, but if you feel totally disrespected from him, what does it matter if others like him.
This could not be the reason to pretend you are in love and happy, only that your friends and family are happy.
Practically you could pretend, but this will only grow your resentment towards your partner over the time you spend together.
I’ve heard people give the advice that you should try to fix things up because he or she needs you.
Hey, but what about what you need, huh. If they need you so much they cannot live without you, there is a pretty big chance you have a toxic relationship.
And your partner is needy. Or worst – both of you are needy and cannot imagine being alone all over again.
When you are needy, you don’t feel self-worthy and don’t want to break up your partner because of fear – fear that you are not going to be loved by someone else.
There’s a big chance you will hear this, or you’ve already heard it. But if you love yourself, don’t listen to it.
Think about your needs first, because following such advice could sometimes make things worse – make you resent your partner and YOURSELF.
And you don’t want that, right?
2. People change
Let me tell you a story.
My friend from high school used to date a guy who she met when she was 15.
She was beautiful, caring and loyal or what men call marriage material. But her jerk boyfriend hooked up with other girls.
Eventually, she found out about his fling and was devastated. Most of our common friends assured her that people change and he will and won’t do it again.
Well, let’s be honest.
You need a lot of work on yourself to not be tempted to repeat your actions.
This whole idea of change is a lousy belief.
You are what you are.
Hence you cannot change the core of yourself.
However, what you can work on is how you react in certain situations as a response to your emotions.
And this is your response. Your response can be definitely improved.
But you don’t want to expect that somebody else is going to change.
3. How are you going to live alone
Already heard it?
In your head?
Most often this comes from our own mind.
How are you going to live alone?
Are you going to find someone better?
Our subconscious sends us such thoughts as a protective mechanism because it’s scared that we may feel hurt and in pain. And it only wants to protect us.
First of all, you don’t have to judge these thoughts.
Just try to simply accept that you’re having such thoughts, but this doesn’t make you a bad person.
It’s fear or the fact that you’ve spent so much time with your partner and made plans for your common future, that you feel scared to think about your future without them.
But in both cases, it supports the fact that we are humans and as such we tend to fear being alone.
From an evolutionary point of view, thousands of years ago being alone equal pretty much being killed or eaten by a bigger animal.
If you feel scared being alone, start questioning yourself – am I scared of being alone in this apartment or am I scared I will never be loved by someone else because I don’t truly like and accept myself?
Dig deep down until you find the main reason for these thoughts.
Don’t give up to fear, because it will not make you feel anything good and will not solve anything.
Fear could only make it worse – you stay with this person, who you probably don’t love anymore.
I’m pretty sure you are more excited to find out about the best advice on love, so let’s get started.
1. Love is a choice.
You’ve probably read it a hundred times.
And you’re wondering why it is such a good piece of advice.
Love means so much more than emotion or feeling. It means a commitment to your partner as well as to YOU, it means exploring yourself and accepting you the way you are and being able to do the same for your partner.
Love means to respect yourself, your decisions in the relationship, your partner and their decisions in the relationship.
That’s why love is a choice.
And you make this choice every single day.
Every morning you get out of bed you make that choice to be or not to be with that person. And it is important to be or not be with that person for the right reasons.
But before that, you have to first recognize your needs and emotions, and this comes when you learn to accept yourself.
2. Love yourself first.
Loving yourself seems so easy as said, but it’s definitely not.
(I know it from personal experience and I still struggle to deal with it)
Nowadays we spend so little time alone with ourselves, our own emotions, feelings, thoughts. All this made us learn to suppress our emotions by scrolling in social media, playing video games, getting drunk or high.
And we end up not being able to recognize our feelings because every time we feel certain rather negative emotion we tend to find thousands of other ways to escape from it.
It often happens, that we expect our partner to take care of our sh*t and make us feel better and happy about ourselves, which is not going to happen and that’s the painful truth.
YOU make yourself happy in the first place. Nobody else is obligated to do this for you.
What you can do, is try to spend quality time with yourself little by little.
Why don’t you go for a walk for 15 minutes on your own without your phone, only with your own feelings and thoughts? You’ll be able to think about how you’re feeling at the moment, what emotions do you suppress.
The thought of doing this may feel uncomfortable at first, but you’ll see every time it gets easier.
Find a hobby, something you’re passionate about, something that makes you feel content and happy about yourself.
Learn to enjoy yourself and the time spend on your own, don’t run from your thoughts and feelings, but accept that you’re feeling this right now and find out why you are feeling it.
Only when you love yourself first you will be able to appreciate your relationship and the time spend with your partner.
3. Don’t be scared of downs in the relationship.
Remember when you’ve just started dating your partner how you could not wait to be with him; when you kiss him you’ve had this tingling feeling your stomach, they seemed so incredibly perfect, that you could picture yourselves getting married and have children and grandchildren together.
There’s a point in the relationship where you will get out of this love experience and the butterflies will go away.
This is when you’ll suddenly start noticing the flaws of your partner and that he doesn’t put the toilet seat down and leaves all his clothes on the floor.
One day you’ll wake up angry and ask yourself do you really love this person, is he so great and amazing as you’ve thought.
It’s normal to have downs in your relationship because people change as well as your relationship.
Sometimes you may grow apart and this makes you question your whole relationship.
But these turning points could often predetermine the future of your relationship.
If you survive the downs in your relationship, it will only be stronger than before.
If you don’t, then maybe it’s better for you to go on your separate ways.
4. Treat each other with respect.
This is the most important advice I’ve been given by my grandmother, who’d been married to my grandfather for over half a century.
She used to tell me that respect is the most important thing in a relationship because it reminds you of the choice you’ve made to be with your partner and keep you firmly stuck to the ground even when things are not going smoothly.
Even though you try to communicate everything sometimes it will lead to fights and one or both of you will be hurt, but the respect for each other is that thing to come back to and hold on to.
Having respect for your partner won’t allow you to say something in order to hurt them and make you feel better about yourself; when you respect your partner you will value their choices (except if it’s something that hurts them and/or you); treating each other as well as yourself with respect reminds you that you value this person and don’t lie to them or allow to be lied to.
In conclusion, love is the best feeling in the world, but it’s also the most painful thing.
When you care for someone, you don’t want to get hurt by them or hurt them.
Best advice on love you can get from people with successful relationship, marriage, your parents or your grandparents. But remember:
Love is always a choice.